Did you know that most people do not listen with the intent to understand,they listen with the intent to reply?
Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. In the counselling world we do this a lot. After all, counselling is about listening and as humans we all have an innate need to be heard. There is something powerful about saying something out aloud and it is true that people start to heal the moment they feel heard.
How you listen has a major impact on the quality of your relationships. Given all the listening that we do,you would think that we would all be good at it. But research shows that we only remember between 25% and 50 % of what we hear. Genuine listening has become a rare gift. We all start off as good listeners but over time bad habits creep in and we are very easily derailed.
Of course we all lead busy lives governed by phones, emails, and the need to fulfill our day-to-day obligations.
Here are the 12 main blocks to listening.
Being aware if you have them is half the battle to blocking the blocks…
Thinking of your own experiences and comparing them whilst the other person is talking .
Trying to figure out what the other person is really thinking and feeling.
Giving attention to the preparation and delivery of your next comment.
Listening to some things but not others .
Not listening to what is being said because you have already labelled the speaker or come to a judgement .
Semi listening whilst something the other person says triggers off thoughts and associations of your own .
Referring everything the other person says to your own experiences .
Being the great problem solver.Only listening for the first few words or sentences before you start offering advice
Arguing and debating.You disagree so quickly that the other person never feels heard or validated.
Going to any lengths to avoid being wrong including not listening to criticism
Changing the subject suddenly
Saying Yes, yes, yes…absolutely….
You want people to like you so you agree with everything they say.
Which blocks did you identify yourself or others with ?